Down and Dirty

As you all know, I am a horse. As a horse, I love to roll in the dirt. It is hard work, all that rolling, particularly for an old guy like me. It isn’t easy heaving my old body up off the ground, so you can imagine that keeping dirty is harder work than it was when I was young and spry. (You will see when you get old.)

But honestly, the dirtier I stay, the better. Do you know why? Because it keeps the flies off and you know how much I HATE flies. You look skeptical? Well it really does. At least I can’t feel them through the 2 inches of mud coating my back. Therein lies the conflict. My mom, she likes me really clean. The cleaner the better. Just the other day I heard her on the phone with the Short One, discussing the extent of my filthiness.

Next thing I know, here comes Mom with a hose and bucketful of sudsy water, ruining all my hard work. She scrubs and rinses and scrubs again… even my face!!! Is nothing sacred?!

I have tried in vain to explain to her that I want to be dirty. If she lets me go out right after a bath… the first thing I do is get right back to work getting dirty again. She tries to bribe me by taking me out for some primo hand grazing after a bath (ya know, because you can’t get as dirty when you are dry) which does work, while I am grazing… but the minute she cuts me loose, I stop, drop and roll.

So you horse owners out there, take it from me. If your horse is dirty, it is because they WANT to be dirty. No amount of scrubbing or brushing is going to change that.